Simkins' Laws Of English

These were written in Jim Wilkinson's English class during 1996. Little did I know I'd end up becoming a TC, not an engineer!

I.	English is only a break from life.
II.	If you have no clue what something means, then it obviously contains symbolism.
III.	Bring a pillow.
IV.	Avoid whiplash when called on by sitting up slowly.
V.	If you don't know an answer, ask a question.
VI.	Go easy on English teachers. After all, what would they do in the real world?
VII.	Fucking artistic bastards. 'nuff said.
VIII.	Marijuana is a necessity to understanding poetry.
IX.	Don't we have something better to do with our time?
X.	LSD is an alternative for law VIII.
XI.	Literature classes are the only option for keeping English majors off welfare.
XII.	If it ain't written out in black and white, it AIN'T there.
XIII.	All questions are answerable. The answer to many questions is "I don't give a shit!"
XIV.	These philosophy majors need a real job.
XV.	Didn't these poets have something better to do with their time?
XVI.	Four years after high school graduation, none of this shit will matter.
XVII.	Physics is life, English is the tenth level of hell.
XVIII.	I don't believe in ghosts, Bigfoot, or symbolism.
XIX.	"Transnational intercourse doesn't involve fucking other nations." {Clancy, Debt of Honor}
	"English doesn't involve logic." {Simkins}
XX.	Poets think that the world owes them something because they are special.
XXI.	Idealism always runs into a hard wall called reality.
XXII.	"The purpose of English is to make a point of the pointless." {Waskiewicz}
XXIII.	Poets are sensitive, insightful souls. May they burn in the hottest fires of hell for eternity.
XXIV.	"Time slows down in English class." -From Simkins' Laws of Physics.
XXV.	The only thing English has in common with engineering is that they both begin with "Eng".